I’ve neglected the blog for a while, I know, and I appologise. For the past few weeks I’ve hit some little snags, and I’ve dealt with them badly. The biggest problem that I’ve hit was (surprise surprise!) within my own mind. I slipped into self-pity.
Now, I’ve said before, and I will say again, that depression is an illness. It’s not unreasonable to feel the way you’re feeling, it’s not a failing on your part… it’s not your fault. That said, it’s one of those many cases of “all things in moderation”, and I went a little bit too far. I began to justify not doing things because I was sick. I took it as a reason to stay in bed all day. I began feeling that I was so badly put upon that I couldn’t possibly be expected to cope, and so I didn’t bother trying to cope. And, worst of all, I began to forget that other people have problems too. I started feeling a sense of entitlement, whereby I deserved more than other people because I was going through more.
Now, this sounds pretty severe, but it wasn’t as bad as the last paragraph makes it sound. I began thinking and feeling all these things, but I don’t think I’ve let any of them get too far. Now I’ve spotted them and can start trying to work against them (says the girl who’s typing this from bed because she shouldn’t be expected to have to get up 😛 ). Noticing them at this stage is giving me some hope that I’m learning to spot the spiral!
Anyway, this is a short piece to explain why I’ve been missing for a while, and to touch briefly on the interesting and insanely complicated topic of self-pity vs. admitting your problems.
Regular programming should recommence shortly.